Go Phillies

My favorite things:

• Spending time with Kyle
• Waking up earlier than normal at my aunts house and drinking coffee with whatever adults happen to be present
• Talking to my mom on the phone
• Hiking on a crisp fall day
• The first time I have to scrape ice off of my windshield
• Weddings
• Things that are orange or purple
• Rainy days and good books
• Discovering a really good beer with Kyle. (founders wet-hopped WHERE ARE YOU?)
• Waiting a really long time for food at Tupelos
• A good scary movie
• Biscuits
• Great Danes
• Making people laugh
• Thai and Indian food
• Lighting fires in the wood stove
• Babies laughing
• A good hug
• Snuggling :)

I can't take it

I don't know how much longer I can do this. Every time I leave I die a little more somewhere inside. That sounds really dramatic I know. But I truly feel it. I feel it in the tears that escape as I drive away and in that horrid empty feeling that comes when I get back to Boone. I hate it here. I hate the sadness and the stress that I feel. I hate not coming home to you. I can't even sleep in my own bed without you here. I sleep on the couch half the time.

Its all so ridiculous. I don't want to be this needy person. I want to be strong and say "yeah the next 20 months are going to fly by and everything will be great!" But I can't. I can't stay here. I can't feel this heartache for that much longer. Its hard enough now when I am free to come and go on the weekends. Next semester will require a job and then I'll be stuck. Then that internship? Yeah they tell you to say goodbye to your personal relationships. I can't. Its not worth it to me.

I've come to realize that I am not here for me anymore. I was excited about this at the beginning but my heart is not in it. I am not putting forth enough effort to make this worth it. I'm not strong enough for this right now. But who on earth is going to understand that? WHO? Will you? Would you please? I need you to understand and to help me. I need my parents and my family to understand and support my decision. I want out so bad. I should have listened to my heart 3 months ago when I realized I was not ready for this. I thought stepping down from the RD role would help.. and it has somewhat. But school is just not where I can be right now.

S.O.S