This is Happiness

The boyfriend and I at a basketball game. (CU vs. North Florida)  I will relate the story of Kyle and I at a later date.... I just wanted to share this photo...

Praying for accumulation...

THIS IS WHAT I WOKE UP TO TUESDAY MORNING!!!!!
After 4 years of waiting, wishing, and praying... we got snow at CU... and they cancelled our classes. Kyle, dusty and I played outside for about an hour and then came back in to thaw (it was about 20 degrees out). We all got showered and then watched the inauguration/ spongebob (its yet to be determined which was more exciting) and then Sarah, Cameron, Carl, and Aaron came over for Baked Ziti (that dusty and I made). After we all just stayed around the apartment marveling at the snow and reminiscing over days long past. It was a truly fabulous day.

A few pictures from Winter 08-09.

A pretty terrible picture of Camden, me, and Fabian at TGI-Fridays in Orlando over Christmas break.
Bok Tower Gardens! Dusty and I went out on a  adventure... exercising our skills from photography class and our new Nikon D-60s 
Me, Abby, and Kristin at Wolf Ridge Ski Resort in NC. I only fell a few times...
Me and dusty in Florida over Christmas break. She had just cut a LOT of hair off. 

Beautiful sunset over Chattanooga, TN in December 

Back to Blogdom...

Its been a while. Wow.... this text is huge. 

and this is really tiny. what the poop.

Oh well. If you are desperate to read this, you can get a magnifying glass or perhaps a stronger prescription. 

Ahhh. The life of a senior in college. Its strange to think about. I look back at the past 4(ish) years and the conglomeration (SAT word baby...or GRE I guess..oi) of emotions, memories, and experiences are enough to overwhelm just about anyone.

 I think back to my first day of classes at Campbell. (The tears are already starting... this is a bad idea) I remember feeling terrified. Not because I knew no one, not because the campus was so huge that I was going to be late, but because the buildings were numbered on my schedule and the actually buildings were numberless.... not a freakin numerical digit in sight. I believe there was (and may still be...) an obscure map that had these numbers on it but who has time to find that? I found my way to Taylor Hall (my home away from home) eventually (yay me!) and hiked to the third floor. It was 8 am and extraordinarily cold in that room. My professor came in, in a wheel chair and introduced himself as Dr. Penny. It took him a good 10 seconds to do this. He has some sort of degenerative disease (I can't remember the name....ahhh) that is slowly breaking down his body. He looked to be about 70 years old but is actually in his mid-50's (or was at the time). He was hilarious.. though I think I was the only one laughing... All of my classmates were already weathered 2nd semester freshman....vets of classroom life at CU...I was simply a newb. Still Dr Penny remains one of my favorite professors I have ever had. The rest of my classes that day and the rest of the week passed by in a flurry of syllabus readings and terrifying homework assignments. (algebra...oh no!) (ten page papers heaven forbid!) By the end of the week I was stressed and a little homesick but excited... and I'd met the person who would be my best friend for the next 3 years. The person who would help me grow, teach me to love and to laugh and to think for myself.  

As the semesters have gone by my entire perception/understanding of Campbell has done a 180. I am no longer frightened of homework assignments or my fellow students in my class. I'm not afraid to ask my professors for help or to turn in work just a wee bit late. I despise the school for its apathy and total lack of culture but I love the way it feels like home. I hate the way the students are treated by the administration but realize that its just simply a way of life on college campuses. I love that I know virtually every nook and cranny of this school and that if the smallest thing changes,, I notice right away. I've learned to hate brick sidewalks and pine needles. (any campbell student knows this is a deadly combination... wet or dry) I laugh (and cringe)  every time it rains because I know that I will be soaking wet up to my knees by the time I get to class. 

I have spent a lot of time this year simply reflecting. Walking around campus and just thinking about "remember that time." (this activity has been canceled recently due to sub-zero temps) I have a hard time realizing that this is it. Once I walk across that stage in May and get that little piece of paper I have virtually driven myself crazy for; I never have to come back. Weird. Never again to walk into the classroom for the first day of class on this campus. Will it be easy not to come back? Probably not. I've lived at this school longer than I have anywhere else... though coming back would be useless too. My friends are what have MADE my college experience and they will all be gone too, some of them already are. 

Friends. wow. Just the other day I ran into Ben Crandall and about a hundred different memories of freshman and sophmore year flooded my brain. My core group that first year  Tommy, Sarah, Ben, Charlotte, Aaron, Steve, Chris (for a short time...i still miss him), Bryan, Brittany, Bryson, Becca, and Erin. These people made my first year at Campbell the most beautiful, painful, hilarious, exciting, and meaningful I had experienced. (I WILL NOT CRY) All of them left a mark upon my life in their own way and I will always treasure the friendship they offered. I make them sound as though they have died. I assure you that they are all living and well. We simply aren't all connected as we were before. Anyway, Sophmore year...  wow. My sophmore year was tumultuous to say the least. I changed my major to social work and met some of the most fabulous people I have ever had the privilege to know. Dusty,Chelsea, Josh, Andrew,Christi, Tyler, Robert, Brandon Ramsey... this list is too long to continue. Lunch on MWF was a defining part of that year. Dusty, Sarah, Chelsea, Christi, Andrew and I ruled a corner of the Oasis. We laughed hysterically and cried too many times to count. We welcomed outsiders on occasion. :) I broke things off with Tommy and then started them back up a few months later. I started working on campus and had a horrible internship experience. I joined CAB and actually got involved. That summer Sarah got married and a lot of things changed. Junior year was intense. Long classes and enough homework to keep me busy. Junior year was a hard year for us all. Things got messy but towards the end of the year there was some healing. We partied and laughed and survived...perhaps just barely.  (those of you who know me or who were involved know what I mean...) Graduation came and went and I left for the summer. This summer was definitely one of change. Tommy and I broke things off again. (a trend?) Hawaii is far away from my life which made it hard to be there but spending the summer with my mom and Jim was a good idea. Kyle and Dusty kept me smiling when they could and time flew by. The next thing I knew I was back for round 4. Senior year. Exciting. Terrifying. Annoying. Strange. I hardly knew what to do with myself without the 190A crew around. Still I figured things out. Kyle introduced me to The O.C. ( i know i know) and Dusty and I literally spent the entire semester watching all 4 seasons while Kyle took a hiatus. Chelsea, Dusty, and I nearly killed each other (and several other people). I turned 21 and lost my head over a guy who didn't deserve my attention. As things came to a close in November Kyle came back and then it was Christmas break. Ahh florida... it was an experience that is fo sho. Christmas break went fast and then we were back and yet again things took an incredible turn. I am happier now that I have been in well over a year and I thank God for the people he has placed in my life who have helped me get here. You know who you are. I am doing my best to be bright, joyful, productive, and purposeful. I will enjoy this last semester. I will love as hard as I can and when May comes around I won't regret any of  the decisions that I have made since January 11 2006. 

This is long I know. But I am in the Oasis and I'm avoiding writing an essay. You didn't have to read the whole thing anyway.

I will always sign off with song lyrics... its just what I do... and so I leave you with this

I must go on standing

You can't break that which isn't yours

I must go on standing

I'm not my own, its not my choice

[Regina Spektor- Apres Moi]